Are You a Mary or a Martha?

Just some food for thought! This article really made me think... how about you? R

Are you a Mary or a Martha?

By Erin Stewart, Monday, April 30, 2012

After picking my daughter up from preschool a few weeks ago, she immediately asked, “Where are we going today, mom?” I informed her we had no big plans that day and were just going home.

And then she said this: “Oh man. Home? It’s so messy. I hate being there.”

The Emergency Room doctor admitted he had never seen a knife stabbed so far into a mother’s heart before.

But seriously — Ouch. Every mother hopes her home is a place her children and husband want to be, not one they avoid.

So my house is not exactly spick and span. Ok, it’s not even in the same universe as spick and span. But I didn’t realize the mess was making our home an undesirable place to be. Something had to change and it had to be a bigger than just another goal to clean up every night or not let the dishes tower in the sink.

Then, I found part of my problem in a story I’ve heard since I was young: the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible. Basically, it goes like this: Jesus comes to visit. Martha is running around doing chores and making dinner while Mary sits at Jesus’ feet to listen. Martha says, “Seriously? You’re not going to help me?” and Jesus tells her that Mary has made the better choice in listening to his words.

I’ve always interpreted that story as meaning people are more important than tasks. House work and cooking and cleaning should always come second to my friends and family. Essentially, I always prioritize having fun with my kids above keeping the house clean. If we have a choice between doing dishes and going to the park, we choose the park every time.

I thought I was making the right choices – the Mary choices.

But I think I missed the nuance in this important Bible story. I don’t think Jesus was trying to say that Martha was wrong for cleaning or cooking or whatever she was doing. He was saying it was the wrong time for those things.

It’s not about being less Martha and more Mary, it’s about being both Martha and Mary at the right moments.

So in the past few weeks I have been trying to balance my Martha and Mary sides. We clean up when we need to, and then we play. We still have fun, but we also make time for Saturday chores.

In doing so, amazing things have happened at my house. I discovered my children love window washing and we enjoy cleaning together. Somehow we found we had more time for fun when the house was cleaner. We are able to roll around on the floor when Daddy comes home because the floor is actually clean.

And the most important change is that there is a better spirit in our house. It’s a place I — and hopefully my children — are proud to call home.

I know that if Jesus came knocking on my door now, I would be able to sit and listen at his feet rather than clearing off a spot on the couch or trying to hide the dirty dishes.

How funny that becoming a little more like Martha has freed me up to be a lot more Mary.

Are you a Mary or a Martha by nature? How do you balance keeping an orderly house with having family fun?

What Are The Gifts of the Spirit You Need Today?

This is an article written by Wendy Ulrich for the Mormon Times Section of the Deseret News. It is a message that we all need to be reminded of from time to time.

"A few months ago I read a comment by renowned LDS scholar Hugh Nibley that gave me pause.

He said the spiritual gift of healing is often apparent among the Latter-day Saints because we fervently seek this gift when illness or death threatens. But, Nibley points out, the other gifts of the Spirit are more rare.

Why? Simply because we do not ask for them with the same measure of urgency and faith.

Ouch.

That got me reflecting on how seldom I earnestly plead with the Lord for the gifts of charity and administration or for hope, visions and miracles. I’m not sure it is even appropriate to pray for such gifts. It almost seems greedy or childish to ask for presents.

I’ve seen many people assume, and if my spouse is paying attention, it should be obvious what I want for a gift, but to the loving spouse it is not always obvious at all.

As a psychologist, I’ve often counseled couples to be much more explicit about the gifts they want. Yet I don’t always apply that counsel with the Lord. I pray for blessings, but I do not always pray and work to obtain specific spiritual gifts per se.

In fact, some of these gifts feel obscure, even irrelevant to my life.

What exactly is the gift of operations? How often do I really need the gift of power over evil spirits? How likely is it that I could receive the gift of visions?

I may wonder if these gifts are really for me.

Early apostle George Q. Cannon, a counselor in four first presidencies teaches, “We cannot be the people that God designs we should be, unless we seek after and obtain these spiritual gifts . ... It should be the constant prayer of all Latter-day Saints for the Lord to give us those gifts that are suited to our condition, and that will make us perfect.” (Millennial Star, 7 June 1900, 354).

Constant prayer? Hmmm.

What gifts are suited to my condition? What gifts would help make me perfect? Probably the ones I need today to face my challenges and grow in faith, charity and hope.

I was excited to learn of many spiritual gifts I had not considered from Elder Marvin J. Ashton, who once spoke in general conference about the less conspicuous gifts: the gift of asking; the gift of listening; the gift of hearing and using a still, small voice; the gift of being able to weep; the gift of avoiding contention; the gift of being agreeable; the gift of avoiding vain repetition; the gift of seeking that which is righteous; the gift of not passing judgment; the gift of looking to God for guidance; the gift of being a disciple; the gift of caring for others; the gift of being able to ponder; the gift of offering prayer; the gift of bearing a mighty testimony, and the gift of receiving the Holy Ghost (There Are Many Gifts", Ensign, Nov. 1987, 20).

This got me thinking of many scriptural stories in which a wide variety of spiritual gifts seem to be operating. I thought of Nephi who seemed to have a spiritual gift for making things with his hands to bless others like a bow, a ship and a temple. When might I use that spiritual gift?

The brother of Jared demonstrated a gift for creative problem solving, and Enos seemed to have a special spiritual gift of mighty prayer (really, how else does someone pray all night?).

We see the gifts of joy and courage beyond her own in Elizabeth, the elderly mother of John the Baptist. Adam had the gift of writing under the influence of the Spirit to create scriptures for his posterity. Could I use that?

The gift of inspired leadership was apparent in Moses, Pahoran and Esther. Captain Moroni seemed to have the paradoxical spiritual gift of military strategy, while the gift of desire to repent was willingly received by Alma the Younger.

Eve and Mormon both exemplified a gift of astonishing concern for future generations.

The gift of living faithfully in solitude was apparent with Moroni and Elijah, while Joseph Smith seemed to have a spiritual gift of forgiving.

The gift of inspired poetry graced Eliza R. Snow, while curiosity may have been a spiritual gift of those who came to Christ with sincere questions, and the gift of family leadership helped Lehi and Sariah.

The gift of persistent struggling with the Lord in faith transformed Jacob. The gift of sincerity was tenderly apparent in Peter’s testimony to the ancient saints, but if we call these gifts of the Spirit, how can we distinguish spiritual gifts from ordinary talents or training?

Among other things, genuine gifts of the Spirit yield the fruit of the Spirit [which] is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance (Galatians 5:22-23). They help us avoid deception (Doctrine and Covenants 46:8), learn the nature of God (Luke 11:13-14, JST) and develop the attributes of Christ (Ephesians 5:1,2,9).

As I consider my life right now, the spiritual gifts I most need may not be visions or tongues, but I certainly need the gift to trust God’s consistent care enough to clean out my closet, the gift of beginner’s mind as I face the tyranny of the blank page, and the gift of spiritual prioritization to know what matters most today.

I need the gift of integrity and humility to ask God to show me my sins and my weaknesses; the gift of charity for ward and family members and the gift of humor which is surely a vital subset of the spiritual gift of wisdom.

Without such gifts I cannot hope to endure, grow or serve others, as God would have me serve. So I get to figure out and pray for the gifts of the Spirit I need to face today’s obstacles and overcome my current weaknesses. Should I also request the miraculous gifts of tongues, prophecy, visions, and ... yes ... healing when those are my needs?

In the world I live in it is not so hard to imagine that such gifts might in fact be essential to saving my family, strengthening faith, preaching the gospel and purifying my soul.

 Wendy Ulrich, PhD, MBA, is a psychologist, author and founder of Sixteen Stones Center for Growth (sixteenstones.net). Most recently she co-authored the New York Times bestseller "The Why of Work."

(Great article! The underlining is mine. R)